sex and the lama

Sex and the Lama

Is it acceptable for a lama to sleep with a student? 

There have been tales recently of Tibetan teachers living in the West having sex with western female students. Some, it is claimed, entice the woman to bed with the promise that such elevated sex will bring great blessings to the willing co-operator. Some women seduced by these promises, have later seen the foolishness of what they have done, and have railed against the teacher for sexual abuse. 

First of all, it has to be asked, where in the teachings of the Buddha does it say that having sex with a lama is a practice on the path to enlightenment? I can think of no such teaching, and I would challenge anyone to produce one. Those who defend such activities say that while there is no specific teaching on this topic, there is the general injunction that the disciple should do whatever the guru asks of them. Moreover, they point out that it does not behove us to judge the actions of a lama, because they are the deeds of an enlightened being, and as such are far beyond the scope of mere mortals such as ourselves. Finally, some women justify their sexual cooperation with a lama by saying they have become “consorts” of the lama.

Let us look at these three claims. First of all, there is no general teaching that the disciple should do whatever the lama commands. Any teacher of Buddhism should be examined well before accepting him as a guide on the path. This is stated many times in both Sutra and Tantra. Until that examination is complete, it goes without saying that you should not blindly follow his commands. Even if he is finally accepted as a teacher, it is done so on a sliding scale of qualities at the top of which are the ten qualities mentioned in the Ornament for Mahayana Sutras by Maitreya. These include being disciplined, pacified, with qualities exceeding the student, love and concern for the student, and so on. It seems highly unlikely that a teacher whose five senses are disciplined, and who has the student’s welfare at heart would seek to take sexual advantage of a female student. However, these days it is not easy to find a teacher with all ten qualities, and one may have to settle for less. It is said, the teacher should at least have more qualities than the student. With such a teacher, it is possible that he might fall under the sway of desire and seek to take sexual advantage. In such cases it is clear that the student should not accede to these desires simply because of the dictum, “Do whatever the lama commands” If it is an ordinary love affair, that is a different matter.  Therefore, those who feel pressurized to give in to a lama’s sexual demands can know that in the above cases they are nothing more than worldly desires, under whose sway we all lie.

There is an instruction specifically in Mantra to do as the lama commands. But what does this mean? A vajra master is sought by those whose mind is well trained in the preliminary or shared paths of Sutra. Anyone who jumps straight into tantric practice with a worldly mind will reap only worldly results, and many of them may not be that palatable. The path of the vajra vehicle is such that it demands the transformational qualities of the mind to take on and change ordinary appearance. The guru who gives initiation and who guides a tantric practitioner cannot be viewed as an ordinary person. Only Vajradhara can confer and transmit the phenomena of initiation to the student. Afterwards, only Vajradhara can impart the necessary core teachings. Tantra simply does not work on the ordinary level or everyday perception. Because of that, every instruction from the guru is an instruction from Vajradhara. 

If a western student has reached such a high and intense level of practice, then they will follow the guru’s every command. But how many have? Often the instruction to do as the guru wishes is broadcast in teachings right from the very beginning. This leads the student to believe that it is applicable from the beginning of practicing the path, when clearly it is not, as described above. These days more and more Western students will meet a lama at a Dharma Centre in the West. Often they are attracted by the promise that Tibetan Buddhism brings, and can easily rush in and embrace the teachings more in hope than in a definite knowledge of what benefits they will bring. Soon they will meet the teachings on guru devotion, and their enthusiasm carries them unthinkingly into acceptance of its tenets. This is where it can start to go wrong. Sometimes, they have embraced a little too much without introspection and analysis, and when faced with demands from the guru feel that they cannot back down now, and to do so would constitute breaking samaya, or bond, with the guru. Such a situation is a sad one, and not at all what the profound teachings on guru devotion were designed to engender. 

The second statement that is often thrown out to support a lama doing as he pleases is that he is an enlightened being and the rationale for his actions, however bizarre and unseemly they may appear, is not within the scope of our perception. Therefore, we should maintain a “pure view” of his conduct, and not judge or condemn him as we would an ordinary being. This is something that should concern all members of a Dharma community and not just those who have been personally involved with the lama. Any Dharma Centre in the West has the responsibility for the purity of the transmissions of Buddhism taking place in their midst. Therefore, members have to come up with a response to any allegations of sexual abuse in their community. To turn a blind eye is to evade that responsibility. If the response is to maintain a pure view of his conduct, this is essentially to do nothing, and is no response at all. If all members of that community are advanced tantric practitioners of the type described above, then it is quite right not to judge or condemn. But, as mentioned above, how many are? Whatever their level of attainment, the proper public response should be to address the issue full on. This is because it is simply unacceptable in the world these days for those in positions of power and influence to have sexual relations with those who look up to them, or who defer and rely upon them. No doctor or teacher would last five minutes in his job if he was discovered having sex with his patients or pupils. Why should it be any different for a lama in a position of great influence over the minds of others? 

Moreover, it is necessary to conform to the sensible prevailing attitudes that rule the society we live in. There may well be a teaching that says we should not judge or condemn the misdeeds of others because they may be bodhisattvas using skilful means to benefit others. But this does not mean that there should be no criminal justice system, that offenders should not be arrested and tried. Conventionally, and in the eyes of the world there is right and wrong, both professionally and legally. If a lama sleeps with a student it is wrong on that basis, and should be dealt with on that basis. The great Indian master Atiśa, when he was disciplinarian at his monastery, saw some breach of the rules in a monk. He had no choice but to expel that monk, even though in the back of his mind he felt it was not right. Sure enough, the monk turned out to be a great yogi with supernatural powers. The point is, however, he followed the norms of the society he lived in. Dharma Centre managers have no choice but to do likewise. If a lama is seen to be breaching the codes embedded in that society, he should be approached and the issue addressed. Such flagrant breaches may well have some hidden nature we are not privy to, but that is not the level on which the world operates.

The third reason that is given for women consensually sleeping with lamas is that they have become the lama’s consort. Well, taking the meaning of “consort” to be that described in the tantras, and not just “wife” or “mistress,” then these women should know that they must possess certain qualities and characteristics that are either innate or have been developed, and which are listed in the tantras. Wishing and hoping that they will be imbued with blessings is not one of these qualities.

In short, the transmission of Buddhism in the West is still in its infancy. Like a fragile shoot in the ground, it needs care and protection. Not to mention the damage that would be inflicted on its growth if our rapacious media got hold of these salacious stories, but from within the walls of the Dharma community too, it is our responsibility as bearers of the message of Buddha to ensure that its tenets are not discoloured and sullied by misunderstanding, or by straying from its independently minded and altruistic doctrine, and sinking one into one ruled by personality cult alone.

Gavin Kilty

Kathmandu 2012